So I knew it would happen. It was inevitable. It is one of the rights of passage of a divorce that goes right along with moving out, signing icky legal documents, sleeping in your bed alone etc….
The first spider.
And it’s a doozy.
Drying my hair this morning, I look up and see a spider so large I think it has its own shadow. And it’s high up toward the ceiling. Great. Maybe it will just wander it’s way out the window.
But if not, it could get in my bed….
So this is bad, I think. I’m just going to go to work now… (First stage of grief is denial.)
At lunch, I returned home and it was still there. Larger than life. Mocking me.
I consulted with my mom.
Mom: Well, you just have to kill it. I had to kill some big spiders in England.
Me: Maybe I could call hot neighbor and have him kill it.
Mom: No. That is pathetic. Don’t go to that level.
Me: It’s not even like that. It is just about the spider.
Mom: Still pathetic.
Not the motherly advice I was seeking.
I went around and tried to get some advice from co-workers. One co-worker said, “suck it up.”
Well now that was harsh.
No, she meant literally, “suck it up” with the vacuum.
Hmmmm…something to consider.
To be continued….
People, you need no longer wonder why such a cute, talented, smart, successful gal such as myself has had to resort to online dating. I prove my lack of game over and over and over again.
Take today. I’m taking the elevator (shut up) and I see Hot Neighbor who starts to say hi as the door is shutting. So awkwardly, I stick my arm out to stop door and of course, elevator door keeps closing, so I literally leap through the door as it is closing on me. Classy.
If that wasn’t bad enough, a conversation about summer travel went as following:
Him: Last summer I went to Nantucket. Have you ever been there?
Me: No, but my sister-in-law was married there and I’ve seen pictures. (Really? My ex-inlaws? I had to go there?)
Him: Oh yah, it’s cool.
Me: (Must I continue along this path of destruction, you ask? Oh yes, I must.) And I got married on an island off N.C. I mean, I’m not really married anymore, but the wedding was nice. (And yes, I keep going) It’s a great island. No cars. Golf carts only. (UGH!!!!)
Him: Oh yah, there is an island off Michigan like that.
Great subject change…as he is clearly off to the pool…
Him: So have you been to the pool yet?
Me: No, but when I do, I’m sure I’ll be doused in sunscreen, sporting the wide-brim hat.
Me: (Now gazing at his obviously tan, toned body): It looks like you don’t have that problem. (??!!!)
Him: Well, I’ve logged some pool hours.
Me: (Now just really wanting to end this ordeal.) Well have fun out there!
And back to being a Monk for me.