Tag Archives: aunt quirky

Eli Invasion

Editor’s Note: This post was submitted by Gertie, who had a lot to say about what took place in Quirkyville last night. 

One minute I was playing fetch with my dad.

The next minute my whole life was ruined by an alien. They called it an Eli. I call it evil.

I have no idea what it was. But I don’t want one in my house. Ever again.

It started off innocently enough. The man who my mom calls her brother, came by with some big packages in his hands.

I like packages because sometimes it means the person is staying and there will be food for that person, or sometimes there is just food in the package. Either way. I might benefit.

So we all went inside. I tried to sneak my ball in, but the brother helped my dad get me back outside to drop it. They think it should stay outside. I think I should have it always.  But they are my people and they win.

The brother then left and the packages stayed. I decided to examine the packages. They smelled really funny.

Then something in one of the packages made a noise. I licked it to check it out.

That was when I came face to face with the alien.

At first I didn’t know it was an evil alien. It was kind of pleasant. It tasted nice too.

Then my mom picked it up. She began talking to it and calling it an Eli.

This is when things got really weird because she was talking to it in the same nice voice she talks to me. I thought at first she meant to be say those things to me. So I went over and rolled over for a belly rub.

Instead, she put the Eli on a big blanket in the middle of the floor. My floor.

 And she talked to it more.

I got out some of my toys, because I could see this thing was trouble and I didn’t want it to start taking my stuff.

My dad was no help either because then he picked up the Eli.

And that’s when it began to make the noises.

Oh the noises. I’ve never heard noises like that.

I didn’t like them one bit. So I pouted.

 And the noises grew louder. What is that thing, I wondered.

The noises were high pitched. The Eli was angry for sure. My parents clearly had no control over the thing.

Then my mom took the Eli and you know what she let it do? She let it get on the couch with her.

I’m NEVER allowed on the couch. Oh the indogannity of it.

After it stopped howling, she put it on the blanket again. And then she gave it a toy.

I would have really liked that toy. It looked just like one of my toys with squeakers in them. But the Eli had it and I wasn’t about to go near the Eli for fear of the noise again.

I couldn’t believe the Eli was allowed to take over my floor, get on the couch with my mom and even got to play with toys I couldn’t have.

It was time to eat my dinner before the Eli took over that too.

Then, my mom went into the kitchen and my dad wandered away.

Suddenly, the Eli was lying on its blanket with no human to gaurd it.

Look, I might not like the Eli, but it seemed small and a little helpless. So, I sat by it to watch it to make sure it was okay until my mom stepped back into the room. She seemed to like that I was doing that, but I do not want her getting the wrong idea. (Even though it was kind of cute when it wasn’t angry.)

After what seemed like the longest night of my life, a lady came and took the Eli away.

But there was no way I was going to let my mom and dad off easy for ruining my night.

 I decided it was best to ignore my mom until she went to bed.

I have a feeling she had a role in allowing that thing into our house, and I didn’t like it one bit.


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My empty bag of tricks

Just call me Mary Poppins.

That’s what I said as I left work yesterday to go spend a few hours watching the most adorable nephew ever.

Mary Poppins is awesome. She sings. She dances. She has a bag of tricks.

Queen of Quirky can sing and dance. And she has a giant purse. It seemed like a plausible comparison.

And oh we were having a Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious time. Hanging out in our boopoo or Bumbo or whatever it’s called.(which according to my brother rings in at a whopping $60…wow, that’s like a nice dinner out and TWO beers. )

And then in our chair with all the doodads to spin and bonk.

It’s fun to be five months.

It’s fun to be an aunt.

And don’t you know I was the funniest aunt ever?!

And then, something really bad happened.

The bottom lip.

Oh no. Not the lip, I said. Please, please, please…I don’t want to see the lip, Eli. Aunt Stephanie is fun!

Look, I can dance. Do do do do do.

I can make funny noises! Blllllllllllllllllllllllrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Ok, ok, ok. Please stop crying. Tell you what, I’ll make you a yummy cake on your first birthday. No go? You can even smash your hand in it. Don’t you know how much fun it is to smash your first cake?  I know you haven’t tasted cake yet, and I’m not even sure I know how to bake a cake. But we can try. Come on, Eli. Let’s try together!

You know what else? We can go to the ZOO! Yup, we’re going to the zoo, zoo, zoo. How about you, you, you. Ok, ok, no zoo, no zoo.

Mary Poppins needed some new tricks.

Ok, how about I take you driving when you turn sixteen.  I won’t even flinch when you almost forget to stop at the stop sign. Alright. I see. You can’t see the value in that promise yet. 

Time to throw in the big one. It’s like the spoon full of sugar on steroids.

I will buy you your first beer when you turn 21. No?

Notice I did not promise him any cousins to play with in a few years…at that point, it seemed a bit extreme.


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