Too lazy for a title

Something alarming happened over the weekend.

I exhibited such an unnatural state of laziness that I almost do not deserve to be labeled a human being.

 Slug. Slug would be more fitting.

A slug in fat pants (covered in dog hair and stained with cheese dip because are there any other kind of fat pants?)and fuzzy slippers, armed with a supply of necessities available at arm’s length.

Books, remote control and a hair clip to pull back my greasy, unwashed hair if God-forbid someone would come to the door.

Not shown: i-phone, which sat at my lap so I wouldn’t have to reach if it chirped. Also, laptop. I ran it out of battery and was too lazy to plug it in, so I set it aside.

And there I parked myself.

Almost all weekend long.

Along with my trusty canine slug companion.

Who kept watch over my fuzzy slippers.

Because somebody needed a task this weekend.

Mr Quirky held his disgust when he returned from a weekend away and found the house and his wife exactly how he left them. Neither clean, neither kept, neither altered.

Aside from the slight lingering smell of duck and the empty wine bottles on the counter, there was no sign in the house that life had existed all weekend. 

But I read two books. And I raided the fridge. And I caught up on all the Housewives. It was glorious.

In an effort to stage an intervention, he asked if I wanted to go to Target with him around 7 on Sunday evening.

I looked down at my fat pants and my fuzzy slippers and said, “no thanks. I’m good.”



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7 responses to “Too lazy for a title

  1. Marla

    Hi, I’m a first time visitor here.

    I love days like that… Sometimes, they are just necessary.

    Marla @

  2. I have those same slippers. Tres stylish.

  3. MOLLY!

    I, too, have those slippers… and I’m pretty sure my canine girls have enjoyed many a weekend with me doing exactly the same thing. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself – it was raining. What else are you supposed to do?

  4. Definitely been there done that. Have you read Chelsea Lately’s new book “Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang?” She has a chapter called ‘Grey Gardens’ where she describes the very thing you described here. Every time I sit down with a really good book, I do exactly that: not shower, raid the fridge, ignore all responsibilities, and thank God that dogs can’t talk because they see us at our worse. Hilarious.

  5. True geniuseseses(sic) have days of nothingnesseseses (ditto).

    Tomorrow I vow to Costanza it and “Do Nothing.”
    Thank you for the inspiration.

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