Cheese Whiz Bachelor Rating: Oh Jake, you big tease.

Image Courtesy of the Easy Cheese entry on Wikepedia

I bring you an abbreviated Cheese Whiz review of last night’s Bachelor today due to some other stuff  in the works on both here on and the Quirky Wedding blog.  

Last night was a big ‘ole hate fest on poor Vienna. And oh my god  I just cannot be in any competition where she is still surviving because. Like. I’m so much prettier, smarter, sweeter than she’ll ever be. 


But my favorite line was from Michelle who said something to the effect of I see myself as a very attractive girl. And Vienna is the opposite of me. 

Ok Michelle, you get four Cheese Whiz points for that zinger. But that’s alright. Because you’re going home without even the courtesy of a rose ceremony. 

That’s right. Jake sent Michelle and her drama packing last night after she “Is that all you got-ed” his kiss. Poor, poor Michelle. As Jake so wisely stated, she wanted to find love but she just didn’t know how. Four points for the drama of sending her home without a rose ceremony but zero points for the psycho analysis, Jake.

Then there was the whole comedy bit which was kind of lame, if you ask me. It would have been better if the audience had been supplied some rotten tomatoes to throw at these rotten girls. One Cheese Whiz point for bad comedy.

Before I get to the Cheese Whiz moment of the night, we have to address our little tease Elizabeth. She not only didn’t get her kiss, but she also didn’t get a rose and was sent home packing after Jake called her a tease.

But Jakey, I think it’s you who is the big tease.  You’re the one who brings an eight year-old to Sea World to “meet his new daddy” only to never see him again. Poor Ella. She’s most likely not going to make the cut, and from what they’ve shown it’s a shame too, because she seems sweet. But what guy wants to deal with someone else’s kid and a real family life when he can spend his time globe trotting with a 20-something dingbat? For single moms everywhere, I’m just terribly sorry how this scene is going to play out.

And Ella, sweetheart, you deserve better than our Wings of Love Pilot who “has thought of everything.” Scratch that, honey. His producers thought of everything including the private shows at Sea World, the picnic, the model airplane and yes, obviously surprising you with your son for your birthday. I’d give you a whole can of Cheese Whiz if I could.

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