Shame Spiral

spiral slide

Originally uploaded by neovictorian


I’m currently experiencing a severe plunge into a full-fledged shame spiral.

I hate mid-Janaury with a passion.

By now, every goal has been broken.

Every fantasy of how the new year will go has been squashed.

And I, somehow turn into a horrible person. Or so says my inner voice.

Here’s how my current shame spiral started:

I missed the gym last Friday. And then I missed the gym again on Sunday.

Despite promises that I wasn’t going to miss more than one day a week between Jan. 1 and the wedding.

When I should be saving every penny for that wedding, I went out and bought a new pair of running shoes. Shoes were supposed to be my birthday gift from my parents, but due to car troubles in September, the purchasing of the shoes was put off until a more reasonable time. This is not that time, yet somehow, shoes were bought.

And instead of buying a week’s worth of groceries on Sundays as planned, I put it off this week and we ordered a pizza for dinner. A big, greasy deep dish pizza.

And my lofty cooking goals have gone nowhere this year and apparently I have no immediate plans to rectify this. Last week, I served leftovers to Roomie for Fire & Wine. Leftovers. And this week, I’m totally cheating the rules again and making a risotto. That’s not a new cooking challenge. I make one almost weekly. How many times can I blog about risotto?

I then realized my longest blog post this year has been about The Bachelor. Really? The Bachelor? Oof. (Don’t you worry – I’m not quitting the weekly Cheese Whiz Highlights, just pointing out that this foolish show has been the subject of my longest blog post in 2010.)

While I haven’t been blogging, I have no idea what I’ve been doing with my time because  my poor fiance has been walking around in a pair of jeans a size too small because his best jeans are in a pile of laundry.

Yes, he can do his own, but I’m a bit of a control freak about laundry and to counteract that, I offered to be the laundry maid in our home.

Only instead of walking around in a sexy little black number, I’ve been walking around in stinky workout clothes most nights.

When I have been working out, I’ve been doing more cardio. And cardio makes me hungry. Very hungry. And instead of reaching for healthy choices such as carrots, I look for cheese.

Specifically Cheese Whiz. And last night, I couldn’t find it. Which means one of three unpleasant scenarios are true: 1. I have eaten all of the Cheese Whiz and am so ashamed of my actions that I have blocked said event from my memory. 2. Fiance has staged an intervention of my Cheese Whiz addiction 3. My pantry is such a mess that I can’t see it sitting right in front of my face.

Make it stop.

Spiral slides give me total hair static.


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6 responses to “Shame Spiral

  1. momromp

    Don’t be so hard on yourself! You’ve got your wedding coming up, which, even though it’s a really happy time, is a little (or a lot) stressful, so go easy on yourself.

    At least you’ve worked out several times since the new year. I have yet to work out. I haven’t exercised since before Christmas. Ouch.

  2. There are 52 weeks in a year. Only two have passed. That leaves 50 more in which you can try to meet your goals. All hope is not yet lost!!! 🙂

  3. I’ve been experiencing much the same myself – all my promises haven’t even been implemented because I started the year with a terrible cold and have allowed myself to procrastinate over getting better… So I have a lot of empathy for you!

    But the above people are right – we’re barely 2 weeks into the year and so much more can be done 🙂

    I’m wishing you lots of willpower and energy!

  4. Any resolutions I had went down hill when those evil little girl scouts showed up with their sweet little faces asking me to buy cookies. Please? Those peanut butter patties are LIKE CRACK. Now, I’m hunting them down. Gimme the goods! Why do they sell them so soon after New Year’s! UGH.

    Hang in there. You’ll hit the bottom with a WEEEE.

  5. You are so funny. You remind me of myself. In fact, I was eating a piece of mozzarella while reading your blog! Ha.

    Hope this week is better.

  6. Oh, you’re way ahead of me still.

    1) Exercising until wedding: Unless dog walks count…zilch. Well, couple of bicep curls while watching tv.
    2) Training for the 10 mile race in May that my friend signed me up for…see above. Some jogging with the puppy. (read: 2 blocks)
    3) Dry hair and wear make-up to work. Hair…doing ok. Not a speck of make-up on, though. Typical.

    See? You can feel like a gold medalist…just compare selectively. 🙂

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