I think I just bought mom jeans and I might be okay with that

What just happened here?

Let’s retrace my steps: Went to Marshalls to look for cheap jeans that cover my rear when I sit and don’t highlight my mini-gut when worn with tight shirts. Drug seven pairs into dressing room. Tried on five (couldn’t get my thighs into two.) Left store with dark-washed jeans complete with  gut-hiding front panel, plenty of hip room, elongated zipper and ample backside coverage in a size 1 up from normal.

Yup, case confirmed. I bought Mom Jeans. How did it come to this?

Look, there is nothing wrong with Mom Jeans, if you have squeezed at least one spawn out of your hoo haw. But I have squeezed nothing out. Have never eaten for two. Have not experienced the hormonal landslide of pregnancy to enhance my butt, widen my hips or unshape my thighs. I assume these things will happen someday and look forward to a Quirky Jr. and a closet full of Mom Jeans as a result, but these things have not happened thanks to the little pill in the purple case that I swallow with a swig of cabernet each evening.

So I have no excuse for the size 6 Calvin Kleins with a “traditional waist” that sit in the passenger seat of my car like some sort of 30-something -with-no-kids-about-to-get-married-it’s-the-time-of-my-life kryptonite.

To be clear: I’m pretty sure I’m being hard on myself. I’m quite sure that these jeans in no way, shape, or form mean that I’m a candidate for the fat lady gig at the circus. But come ON. “Traditional waist?” Really?

And they fit really well.

Oy.

Not only can I bend over and pick something up without a show of my underwear (probably time for a little shopping spree on those fellas too), I can sit down. And everything is covered.

Also. They cover my belly. Most of the fat parts of it? Inside the jeans. Not over the edges muffin top.

To make matters worse, there is plenty of room for my thighs and they are stretchy.

OhmygodImightbuystretchydarkhighwaistedbuttcoveringmomjeans.

After I stopped rocking back in forth in the dressing room, banging my head into the door, I decided to come out for a second look.

Yup, still mom jeans.

But, what can I say? They fit. They feel good. And they are cheap.

I bought them.

And will be wearing them often.

And going to the gym more often. And eating better.

Because, I’d really rather wear my old jeans, please and thank you. But these will work for the time being.

And if, by chance, at age 32, I can’t get back into my size 27 skinny jeans by IT, then so be it.

Maybe Quirky Jr. will just have to make an appearance in a few years to help me justify the jeans.

7 Comments

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7 responses to “I think I just bought mom jeans and I might be okay with that

  1. My friend Jenny

    You always look curvy, beautiful, young, hip, stylish, thin and healthy… like you eat what you want, run at least five miles a week and live a gregariously, happy life. Anyway, you wear the mom jeans well!

  2. who cares if they’re mom jeans, they look amazing! seriously though, if those are mom jeans, then you’re one hot mama!

    my new jeans also don’t gap in the back and actually fit way better than any other pair i’ve worn in ages. and yeah, they’re probably mom jeans too. 🙂

  3. So sad, I am actually lusting after your mom jeans. Has MY life come to this :)?

  4. Hello,
    Your blog is really creative and caused me to laugh out loud a few times! I am a licensed mental health counselor and have had the honor of walking with many people through their food/weight/body image issues. Research says that dieting is not a long-term solution because almost everyone who loses weight gains it all back – plus more! This is because food and weight issues are much more about our hearts and our stories than calories and fat grams. Until we address these issues of the heart, we cannot fight the body image bandit and win. I am writing a book and blog about the causes and how to address them instead of treating the symptoms only. If we don’t work on the causes of our weight/body issues, it is like cutting off a weed at the top. It looks good for a while, but it always comes back. My latest post is called, “Real Reasons for Food Addiction.” I would love to hear your thoughts, even though your picture doesn’t look like you need to lose any weight. I thought you might enjoy the other body image posts. Thanks, Cherrie
    http://www.cherriemac.wordpress.com
    Fannies: Reflections on Cookie Dough, Life, and Your Derriere

  5. momromp

    A few things – if your jeans still have a button or snap, then they’re not mom jeans. (Or at least, they’re way cooler mom jeans than the kinds our moms wore.) If your jeans come in a numbered size (not just S, M, L, etc.), then they’re not mom jeans.

    I think you’re being a bit too hard on yourself! (By the way, I too am envious of those jeans.)

  6. Thanks for all the mom jean envy. I wish I was popular enough to have a Mom Jean give-away of these jeans. Seems like everyone would want a pair. I have to say, I’m wearing them today and they are rather flattering. 🙂 Anyhow, got them at Marshalls…maybe you can find them too!

  7. Love your post…you look beautiful.
    BTW..i love your jeans!

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