First the good news: I’m not dying.
I do not have some strange case of throat cancer, rotting gums or acid reflux.
Although if you had asked me yesterday, all of the above were very likely.
I mean, I wasn’t planning my funeral (yet) but I was pretty worried. That’s what happens when I turn to the InterWebs for medical guidance.
The InterWebs and chronic hypochondria are a bad combo. Possibly worse for you than the sausage burritos breakfast combo at McDonald’s. (guilty yum.)
But look, sometimes my little fingers can’t help but find their way to Google and entering in whatever random symptom I’m worrying about obsessing over.
Can I tell you how many times I’ve been pregnant? No, not in an Octo-mom kind of way. But in a Stephanie-is-crazy-and-thinks-every-odd-symptom-can-only-mean-one-thing kind of way. (Right now the fiancé is vigorously nodding his head and hoping someone reading this can cure me of this permanently. Stat.)
And yesterday, not only did I feel a cold coming on, but I was experiencing this odd taste in the back of my mouth after I ate or drank anything. (Even water!)
And according to my Google search, the outcomes of this symptom were not good. I decided to leave it alone and focus on my cold for the time being. Let’s feel sorry for ourselves one ailment at a time.
But today, with a good night of sleep behind me, my cold symptoms were feeling a lot better. I decided to return to Google to determine how long I had left to live. ( And because my coffee tasted like ass, and dying or not, I cannot live this way.)
This time, I entered the search differently by including “after I eat or drink” in my search. And by George, I found it.
A diagnosis I might be okay with.
Are you ready?
Not even kidding.
The word on the InterWebs is that for some odd reason, pine nuts (from China?) cause this bitter taste in the back of some people’s mouths days after consuming. Hey, that’s me!
I didn’t find anything on Snopes about it, so at first I thought it might be a hoax, but then I found this article called the Great Pine Nut Menace on Food & Wine. My journalism radar told me that Food & Wine was a reputable source for information.
Diagnosis complete. I am suffering from Pine-Nuts-In-My-Gnocchi-Makes-Everything-Else-Taste-Awful Syndrome.
And you know what I think about that? (You’ve been waiting for this reference.)
Maybe I should have just said “gno.”