The 22 pound turkey in the fridge


Thawing in my fridge with godspeed I hope.

It dawned on me that our relationship so far has been all about me. me. me.

My big fat Thanksgiving dinner for 15 people.

My need for you to thaw.

My need to find the perfect recipe for you.

My need for you to taste really good.

And I haven’t taken the time to get to know you.

In fact, other than the fact that you were a wee bit hefty, I know absolutely nothing about your life.

Are you are Hen or a Tom? See, I didn’t even bother to check or research that.

Were you cage free or…well, sorry, I just don’t want to think about the other. Please don’t tell me.

Do you like baths? I do (again, all about me.) When my fiance and I moved into our new house, the biggest selling point was the jacuzzi bathtub. I take a bath almost every evening. 

And guess what? I got a special tub for you too. I mean, it’s no jacuzzi, but it’s pretty nice…

I’m borrowing it from the fiance’s mom.

Don’t worry, I’ll clean it out for you. 

Bubble bath?

No, how about brine bath.

It will be like a total girly night for us. (If you weren’t a girl turkey, could you tap into your feminine side for one evening?)

You’ll soak in the brine outside. (I’ve even checked the weather; it should be just chilly enough…)

I’ll make mashed potatoes and snap green beans.

Then I’ll come out to check on you and we can tell each other secrets.

And play truth or dare.

you: Truth or Dare?

me: Dare.

you: Ok, I totally double dog dare you to use my innards in the stuffing tomorrow.

me: No. No. Ew. Ew. Can’t do it.

you: You lose!

me: I always lose…

Ok, maybe we’ll just play truth or truth. But, it will be great fun. You’ll see.

So I want to talk to you about one last thing. This is usually 100% against my convictions, but I really, really need you to be the popular kid on Thursday.

See, I know you might not have been the hippest fowl on the block back in turkey land, but now is your chance to be a shining star.  And I will enable you with whatever you need to get the job done.  Do I need to buy you Miley Cyrus tickets? Or, the latest Uggs and some skinny jeans?  Maybe you are more of the i-phone and mac book kind of bird? Ok, fine but no sexting. I have my limits.

I think we are good, you and me. I’ve so enjoyed this little time of getting to know you better. You’re going to make my Thanksgiving so enjoyable.

And as one dear reader pointed out, Turkey rhymes with Quirky. Keep it quirky, turkey.


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9 responses to “The 22 pound turkey in the fridge

  1. BigLittleWolf

    This is too funny! And thanks for the link –
    Must get my turkey… you did make me think.
    Remember last year, the huff over Palin,
    Turkeys behind her in blood with heads sailin’ –
    Thus with the talking (no sexting indeed),
    Sure you can part with this pal for your feed?

    Loved this fine post. Put me in the mood
    To start all my prep and cook up some FINE food!

    Happy gobbling!

  2. The visual on this is cracking me up resplendently. Well-played.

  3. Brined turkeys are great! I did one last year.. and it was everything that it was ever promised on Food Network. I wish they (Food Network) would have told me the drippings that I use for the gravy would be salty from the brining.. (just a little hint)

    Happy Thanksgiving!

  4. momromp

    Best wishes for a lovely Thanksgiving! Your post was great.

  5. Pingback: Turkeylurkey « Queen of Quirky

  6. Pingback: 2009: The year of discovering my inner culinary goddess « Queen of Quirky

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