A real conversation with the fiance’s mom:
FM: What kind of cake do you guys want? (she is making it.)
F: Makes a face of indifference. (He isn’t big on cake.) I probably won’t eat any.
Me: Yeah, all you care about is the cake smoosh. I know your type. You are such a smoosher.
FM: Woah. No you won’t! I think it is totally awful and aggressive when people do that. I won’t make your cake if you are going to smoosh it in her face. If you want to smoosh it all over her body later, then that’s fine but promise me you won’t smoosh it in her face.
Me: Jaw on the table. Covering my mouth. I can’t believe she just said that!
F: Shrugs. He knows his family.