People, you need no longer wonder why such a cute, talented, smart, successful gal such as myself has had to resort to online dating. I prove my lack of game over and over and over again.
Take today. I’m taking the elevator (shut up) and I see Hot Neighbor who starts to say hi as the door is shutting. So awkwardly, I stick my arm out to stop door and of course, elevator door keeps closing, so I literally leap through the door as it is closing on me. Classy.
If that wasn’t bad enough, a conversation about summer travel went as following:
Him: Last summer I went to Nantucket. Have you ever been there?
Me: No, but my sister-in-law was married there and I’ve seen pictures. (Really? My ex-inlaws? I had to go there?)
Him: Oh yah, it’s cool.
Me: (Must I continue along this path of destruction, you ask? Oh yes, I must.) And I got married on an island off N.C. I mean, I’m not really married anymore, but the wedding was nice. (And yes, I keep going) It’s a great island. No cars. Golf carts only. (UGH!!!!)
Him: Oh yah, there is an island off Michigan like that.
Great subject change…as he is clearly off to the pool…
Him: So have you been to the pool yet?
Me: No, but when I do, I’m sure I’ll be doused in sunscreen, sporting the wide-brim hat.
Me: (Now gazing at his obviously tan, toned body): It looks like you don’t have that problem. (??!!!)
Him: Well, I’ve logged some pool hours.
Me: (Now just really wanting to end this ordeal.) Well have fun out there!
And back to being a Monk for me.