I survived my first holiday weekend solo. Another milestone in this journey. But it wasn’t without hardship. I mean, I had a great weekend, don’t get me wrong. But at the end of the day, I’m still getting divorced, ending a relationship that I thought would last forever and readjusting to life by myself. And that’s sad.
On Monday afternoon, I decided I wanted to see a movie. These are books I poured over as a child. My dad read me the first book when I was 9 and I was hooked. I have no problems doing things alone. So I figured a movie would be no different. I walked to the nearest theater (I love that I can walk there!) I bought my ticket, my popcorn and found my seat. No problem. The movie was great. There are so many levels to this story. (Stop here if you don’t want a spoiler.) At the end of the movie, the two oldest siblings are told they won’t be returning to Narnia, a place they love and hold dear. Their time in Narnia is over and there is no more they can learn there. They must return home and live their lives. I could draw so many obvious parallels to my life right now. I loved my marriage. Loved him. But now, it’s over and I must move on and live my life. So I cried. I told myself I was crying in the movie because I always cry in movies, but something in me knew it was more.
After the movie, I went to the ladies room. And suddenly the weight of the world hit me. Oh my god there is no one waiting for me out in the lobby. I am all alone. The floodgates were released. Which was really bad timing because I knew there was a line.
After I regained my composure, I went out into the beautiful sunshine, in my beautiful city. And then I bought a suit. A black skirt suit that fits amazing. (To my credit, this little bit of retail therapy was part of the plan because I knew I had a business trip next week and I needed a new suit that fit.)
I love wearing suits. They are crisp, classic and powerful. And they are always stylish. But I think I will always see this suit as my ultimate power suit because symbolically, it represents my strength. My ability to rise from the ashes despite it all. So whenever I’m feeling a little bit weak. A little bit like I might not make it, I think I’ll put on my suit and remind myself that I can and I will.